sisters of resistance

anti-imperialist pro-vegan radical queer feminist hip-hop & grime revolutionaries.

The case against having children — November 9, 2017

The case against having children

I am a thirty three year old woman with a secure job in a long term relationship with a man seven years my junior. We are both at the start of promising careers, me in education and he in catering and music. We have been together for five solid years, are deeply in love, and live together part of the time with the intention of soon making it full time. Nearly all of the couples we know have children. He is godfather to a bright and beautiful six year old girl, who we see often; we have close friends with one and two year olds, and at family parties there are usually five or six little ones running round and playing in the back garden. We are active in their care, babysitting on request and voluntarily; there is no shortage of interaction with children in our lives. We smile at their sweetness, sigh over their cuteness and giggle along with them at their silliness. We head them off if they are about to hurt themselves, cuddle them when they cry, play with them, speak to them gently, and truly love them. 

And yet. The likelihood that he and I are going to have children of our own is a possibility growing further and further away with each passing year. My rejection of the social script to progress from the stage we are now at, to marriage, and then children, at the expectation of others is a commitment that in my mind is nearly as strong as our commitment to each other. When people ask me, “Do you want kids?” my standard answer is, “It varies…between ‘maybe’ and ‘hell no!’” The older I get the more it has become clear that the conscious choice I have always made to prevent pregnancy has been the right one for me.  

That I have come to this conclusion surprises me as much as it confuses others. Most of my life I have wanted to be someone’s mother. I have daydreamed about what I would name my children, how I would teach them to be good people, what languages they would speak and what family heirlooms I would pass on to them. But as I have come to the realisation that having children is not something that makes sense for me in the immediate or short term future, the rationale has taken shape in my mind. So, I present below the reasons that make up my current case against having children, for reasons other than not liking them, loosely organised into THINGS I WANT and THINGS I DON’T WANT.  

I want to remain the protagonist of my life. I don’t want to have to constantly be thinking about someone who for at least 20 or so years (until I am in my 50s) cannot care for themselves. I do not want to spend my 30s changing diapers and bedsheets for a being that wees and shits all over itself and me. I do not want to have year after year of very little sleep and sore nipples from breastfeeding. I do not want to research the best things to feed toddlers or then latest parenting method; instead I would rather work on my research papers. I do not want to have to go to bed early so I can wake up to wash them, feed them breakfast, and take them to school at 8am. I do not want to move houses so we can be in a better school catchment area. I do not want to clean crayon off the walls or have small items around the house suddenly go missing. I do not want to take a tiny being to expensive places like Disneyland and put all my effort into making them happy when they are young if it will be just a blip in their memory when they grow up.  

I want to spend my money on myself, on gifts for loved ones already living, on traveling and have something saved for retirement. I don’t want to feel obligated to buy the latest toy to make them smile only to have them forget about it a few weeks later. I don’t want to be hassled at the grocery store where the aisle of sweets is strategically placed at a child’s eye level. I don’t want the negative vibes that come from continuously denying the requests of someone I love, minor and ridiculous though they may be.  

I don’t want to raise a child in late capitalism who will be socialised into a generation so far removed from my childhood that I don’t understand their culture, logic and way of thinking. I don’t want to to be disturbed by the music they listen to, the technology they are obsessed with. I don’t want to have to speak in child-friendly language and terminology for days or months or years at a time. I don’t want to have to explain everything, because I would feel that responsibility. I don’t want to have to deal with teen sexting and adolescent porn use and the impact these will undoubtedly have on their self-esteem and sexual development. I want to have adult conversations and I also want to be able to avoid the lies that parents sometimes have to tell. Like that the world will be ok when they grow up, or that I am sure they will find a job and pay off that student loan. I don’t want to raise a child with Western expectations of material pleasure and success without the means to help them actually achieve those objectives. I don’t want to watch my child’s generation be less successful than me, as this is the trend we are currently in and which doesn’t look like it will end anytime soon.  

I want to drastically reduce my carbon footprint in a way that I could never do simply by keeping the heat down and the lights off. I want to be able to distribute my love widely and not have it concentrated on one or two precious beings who will then keep my hands full and unable to serve others. I want to follow in the traditions of religious who devoted themselves to their work and to their spiritual practice by not marrying and having a family. I have always been inspired by women of the cloth, as in generations past that would have been the only way for someone like me to have a life of the mind. I understand how much effort it takes to live a life that intentional and for this reason I love that their clothing was referred to as ‘habit.’ If we make our clothing a habit the energy we expend on selecting items of dress and beautifying ourselves is much reduced and there is effort left over for other, more important things. Once children arrive, they become the subjects of ultimate importance, and as such, assume their rightful place in the priority list. If all is as it should be, everything else comes after. Babies are helpless beings who depend on us to satisfy their every need. I associate this relationship of dependency, at least the way we have arranged it in contemporary Western nuclear-family capitalism, with a requirement for selfless, unconditional giving on one hand, and a learned behaviour of demanding and taking on the other. If it was a relationship between adults I would call it abuse, but it is not in a child’s nature to do anything different. This imbalance is enough to drive one to mental illness, as the many mothers with post-natal depression will tell you. Thus, much like nuns once opted for uniform clothing, I choose to be child free in order to preserve energy and sanity for my work in the world.  

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Non Sequitur — July 25, 2017

Non Sequitur

We have a big problem –
big, big, big. I have complete
power. 1.6 billion to build

a wall. Nobody can build a wall
like me. Part of the beauty of me
is I’m very rich. It doesn’t matter

what the media write as long as you’re rich
and you’ve got a young and beautiful
piece of ass you can grab by the pussy.

Just locker room talk. Fake news. The truth is

we need the nukes. North Korea is bored,
nothing to fear. He didn’t do the shot.
I did the shot. Don Jr is innocent –
Ivanka is hot. I’d date her

if I wasn’t her dad. Sad! American might
is second to none. China should make
a move. Let Obamacare fail. My company
is extremely successful.

The Russians don’t meddle. Comey, Sessions,
and Mueller – all traitors. I have no mafia ties.
A media witch hunt. Extremely unfair. Investigate me?
You’re fired! I know the bad people. Believe me,

do I know bad people. I know a lot.
Nothing changes. The White House is functioning
perfectly. I guarantee you there’s no problem.
I guarantee.


Originally posted by FeminismTips at Medium.com

UltraViolet Campaign to Cancel CeeLo Green’s TV Show — September 2, 2014

UltraViolet Campaign to Cancel CeeLo Green’s TV Show

In recent news, CeeLo Green has admitted to drugging a woman and defending his actions on Twitter, claiming it wasn’t rape if the victim wasn’t conscious. A coordinated public response that resulted in cancelling his upcoming TV show would be a profound statement against rape and rape culture. UltraViolet, a “new and rapidly growing community of women and men across the U.S. mobilized to fight sexism and expand women’s rights, from politics and government to media and pop culture” has put together a petition to do just that.

Click here to sign the petition

Re-posted from UltraViolet:

Grammy-winning artist CeeLO Green just let loose a series of tweets claiming that rape isn’t rape if the victim is unconscious.

What’s worse is that his tweets aren’t out of the blue—he recently pled no contest to drugging a woman who later woke up naked in his bed, with no memory of what happened. Yet despite this criminal act, and these incredibly dangerous tweets, major network TBS and its parent company Time Warner are still giving him a huge public platform in a reality TV show that recently premiered. They’ve got to drop him, now. 

Tell TBS and Time Warner:

Rapists and rape-apologists should have no place in your line-up. Cancel CeeLo Green’s reality show The Good Life immediately.

SIGN, SHARE AND REPOST!

News Roundup: Ferguson, Gaza, Rape Culture and Resistance — August 18, 2014

News Roundup: Ferguson, Gaza, Rape Culture and Resistance

A collection of news from around the web showing the latest information on the situation in Ferguson, protests against the genocide in Gaza, and an excellent piece showing not only how they are linked, but also how the ‘war on terror’ has always existed for Black Americans. We also join others in calling for an end to rape culture and whorephobia by posting a critique of the Internet’s response to Christy Mack’s release of photos of a brutal attack by an ex-partner, and a show of online solidarity with 16-year-old rape victim Jada.

Latest news on Ferguson:

Autopsy Shows Michael Brown Was Struck at Least 6 Times [Frances Robles and Julie Bosman, NY Times]

Second night of curfew in Ferguson, governor calls out National Guard  [Al Jazeera America]

Ferguson, Mo., police were trying to ‘besmirch’ dead teen when they released convenience store video: governor [Adam Edelman, NY Daily News]

Amnesty International Sends Human Rights Delegation to Ferguson, Missouri [Amnesty International]

U.S. and Israeli Military Tactics Used Against American Citizens … Gazans Tweet Tips to Help AMERICANS On How to Handle Tear Gas [Washington’s Blog]

Palestinians express “solidarity with the people of Ferguson” in Mike Brown statement [Rana Baker, Electronic Intifada]

“From all factions and sectors of our dislocated society, we send you our commitment to stand with you in your hour of pain and time of struggle against the oppression that continues to target our black brothers and sisters in nearly every aspect of their lives.

We understand your moral outrage. We empathize with your hurt and anger. We understand the impulse to rebel against the infrastructure of a racist capitalist system that systematically pushes you to the margins of humanity.  

And we stand with you.”

Critical Analysis Pieces on Ferguson

Itemizing Atrocity [Tamara K. Nopper & Mariame Kaba, Jacobin Magazine]

“The problem with casting militarization as the problem is that the formulation suggests it is the excess against which we must rally. We must accept that the ordinary is fair, for an extreme to be the problem. The policing of black people — carried out through a variety of mechanisms and processes — is purportedly warranted, as long as it doesn’t get too militarized and excessive.”

12 things white people can do now because of Ferguson [Janee Woods, Quartz]

In the aftermath of the murder of Michael Brown, may he rest in power, here are some ways for white people to become white allies who are engaged thoughtfully and critically in examining the situation in Ferguson and standing on the side of justice and equity. This list is a good place to start your fight to dismantle racial inequity and shine a light on the oppressive structures that lead to yet another extrajudicial killing of a black person.

In Ferguson the violence of the state created the violence of the street [Gary Younge, The Guardian] 

“Nobody in their right mind wants more violent protests. But nobody wants more Michael Browns either. And those two things – the violence of the state and the violence of the street – are connected.”

Resistance to genocide in Gaza:

10,000 protest in Tel Aviv for a just peace, end to occupation [Moriel Rothman-Zecher and Haggai Matar, contributors, +972 blog]

Israeli ship remains at sea as thousands of protesters gather in Oakland [Rebecca Bowe, The Guardian] (#BlockTheBoat)

Critique of Internet response to the abuse of Christy Mack

[TW – Rape, Rape culture and physical abuse]:

This is how the Internet responds when a porn star is beaten up [EJ Dickson, Daily Dot]

“Apparently, we not only think that sex workers deserve to be treated differently than other people: Many of us don’t even think of them as people to begin with.”

Solidarity with Jada (#IamJada)

Trolling of teen rape victim Jada sparks internet fightback with hashtag #IamJada [Heather Saul, The Independent]

Drop the Case against Marissa Alexander — October 1, 2013

Drop the Case against Marissa Alexander

from the Free Marissa Now Facebook page:

YOUR URGENT ACTION NEEDED!

DEMAND THAT FLORIDA OFFICIALS DROP THE CASE AGAINST MARISSA ALEXANDER!

Write, call, fax, email — tell Florida officials to drop the case against Marissa Alexander. Stop the trauma — free this momma!

Mandatory Minimums

Last week the Florida Appeals Court overturned Marissa’s conviction because of extreme errors in the case: rather than being presumed innocent until proven guilty, Marissa’s persecutors put the burden of proof on her. This is opposite to the most basic principles of the U.S. legal system.

Call, write, fax or email State Prosecutor Angela Corey, State Attorney General Pam Bondi, and Florida Governor Rick Scott to demand that they drop the case now. Marissa Alexander did no wrong. Do not subject this domestic violence survivor and mother to another trial. This innocent woman has already served three years.

Here is preliminary information about how to contact these officials. More information and sample letters will follow soon. But please take action now and start spreading the word now!

Office of Attorney General Pam Bondi
State of Florida
The Capitol PL-01
Tallahassee, FL 32399-1050
Phone: 850-414-3300
Email: http://myfloridalegal.com/contact.nsf/contact?Open&Section=Citizen_Services

Angela Corey, State Prosecutor
Courthouse Annex
220 East Bay Street
Jacksonville, FL 32202
(904) 348-2720
(904) 630-2400
Fax (904) 348-2783

Office of Governor Rick Scott
State of Florida
The Capitol
400 S. Monroe St.
Tallahassee, FL 32399-0001
(850) 717-9337

E-mail: rick.scott@eog.myflorida.com

More information on Marissa’s case at the Free Marissa Now! Tumblr

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