Because patriarchy makes women feel unworthy or unlovable especially if we are single, many women who are in bad relationships end up staying with partners who don’t deserve them. We may blame ourselves for the ways in which our relationships are failing. We can come to rely on the relationship for our self-esteem or even our identity. We can fall in love with the romantic idea of being in love, even if it doesn’t correspond to reality. All of this makes it even harder for us to leave. In this guide, we explore the steps it will take to end a bad relationship and move on.
If you answer yes to any of the following questions, this article is for you.
- Do your interactions often leave you feeling angry, hurt, or upset? Unfulfilled, disrespected, or unloved?
- Do you regularly have arguments, the underlying issues of which are left unresolved?
- Does your partner display the same behavior patterns over and over without making any lasting effort to change?
Sista Resista was in a sort of ‘relationship’ with J for over six months and has been regrettably seeing him now for nearly a year. He was inconsiderate, unreliable and selfish, a typical Alpha Male. He left Sista waiting around for him for hours/days; she never knew if/when he was really coming round when he said he was. This was one of the many ways he controlled her and the entire relationship.
He would always leave items of clothing in the house and without her knowledge he left a jacket after they had split up and she thought she had given him back all his stuff. As he had left it without her knowledge, when he asked for it (a pretence to come round) she said she didn’t have it.
Recently she found the jacket and texted him after a month of not talking. His response triggered the negative emotions he caused her during the relationship and she decided she no longer wanted to see him to give him the jacket back. He responded to this decision by saying he would “kick down [her] door” and by repeatedly calling her a “fucking idiot” and asking if she is “fucking sick in the head” among numerous other threats and insults.
This is the last exchange (by text):
J: Scorn!!! Look at your 1 st txt your a joker can’t believe you tried it. My property isn’t something you should be trying to use as some tool. Never had that kind of shit from no one so please dont try be the 1 st, dont make sense. So would like to know when I can collect please coz I did ask from time now. If not let me know so can sort something.
SR: I am not using it as a ‘tool.’ Your vague response that you would holla when your about at some undetermined point in the future triggered negative emotions and brought back sad memories of me waiting around for you in the past. A subject weve spoke about alot. And about which you have agreed your behaviour has been inconsiderate and unfair. Following the threats, aggression and verbal abuse you subjected me to on the phone, I am uncomfortable meeting you. But in the interests of returning your property I will try to arrange something with my housemate or downstairs neighbour.