10. Exchanging Facebook names instead of phone numbers is an acceptable substitute when more space (or closeness, depending on the explicitness of one’s FB profile) is desired between couples meeting for the first time.

 

9. Placing someone on Facebook’s “Limited Profile” is an acceptable way to accept initial communication without revealing everything all at once.

 

8. Once mobile numbers have been exchanged, everyone is, in general, expected to have at least one mobile phone charged, on, and available at all times.

 

7. Because you both have your mobile phones on you at all times, any denied, missed, or ignored call or text constitutes a slight towards the contactee. These slights exist on a severity spectrum, from least to greatest as follows: ignored text, missed call, denied call.

 

6. The length of time that passes between a slighted contact attempt and the next attempt exist in inverse proportion to the amount the contacter likes/wants/desires the contactee, i.e., shorter lengths of time between contact attempts indicate greater amounts of desire.

 

5. The length of time that passes between a slighted contact attempt and a response by the contactee exists in direct proportion to the amount of anger the contactee holds towards the contacter, i.e. the greater the length of time before s/he gets back to you, the more pissed off s/he is at you.

 

4. Acceptable excuses for why a call or text was missed, in order of acceptability:

1. My phone was on silent.

2. I was at work.

3. I was in the bathroom/shower/bath.

4. I was in a class/lecture/meeting where I wasn’t able to answer.

5. I was at a club/concert or other noisy event where I couldn’t hear it.

 

3. Assumptions, true or false, that may likely be derived from the aforementioned “acceptable” excuses:

1. S/he was banging someone else.

2. S/he was probably at work.

3. S/he was banging someone else.

4. S/he was banging someone else.

5. S/he was banging someone else.

 

2. Due to expectation #8, meeting plans may be altered or canceled at any time, even at the last minute. Conversely, standing someone up today is infinitely worse then standing someone up in the past.

 

1. It’s not official…till it’s on Facebook.