Tag Archives: lies

12 Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Marry Him

26 May

Under patriarchy, expectations of monogamy and compulsory heterosexuality mean women are conditioned from childhood to be on the lookout (or compulsively searching) for “the one,” her “soulmate,” or Mr. Right.  This is a fantasy induced by a combination of Disney princesses, white dresses and storybook weddings, as well as social and cultural influences, public discourse, mass media and celebrity culture.  What this means is that many of us are so eager to get married, and so conditioned to be the damsel in distress or unconditionally self-sacrificing for “love,” we often overlook some basic things that illustrate how, far from being a prince or knight come to rescue you, your intimate partner may be in fact dangerous to your sense of self, your individual identity and your independent thought.  You do not need rescuing, and no one should make you feel that you do.  If any man in your life exhibits the below behaviours, he is at worst an abuser or at best an emotional/financial drain; you are better off without him.  In particular, don’t marry him. He is so not worth it.  See also: How to Leave a Bad Relationship.

12 Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Marry Him

  1. He interrupts what you are doing to demand his dinner. He demands his dinner. He seems to think his dinner is your priority/responsibility.
  2. He interrupts what you are doing to demand anything.
  3. He expects things from you he wouldn’t do for you, and doesn’t do himself – e.g. washing his clothes, caring for his children, paying for or “helping” him with his large bills/expenses.  He does not share equally in what would be the tasks of a marriage.
  4. His “affection” is always aggressive and only manifests when he wants something.  He withholds attention, and if he does give it, he expects/requires you to respond positively to his advances. Sisters of Resistance place coercion on the spectrum of sexual harassment, assault and rape. In our experience coercion is common and we call it when we see it. (In the case of rape, help is available. International Resources)
  5. He cuts you off from your friends and family. Tactics may include: judging your friends and relatives, telling you who he likes and doesn’t like, or who you are allowed to see and when, if at all. (See:  Narcissist Abuser).
  6. He has cheated on you.  Or when you got together, he was cheating on someone else.
  7. He doesn’t have a life. (See: Peter Pan Man)
  8. He puts you down, ridicules, or degrades you.  This wears away at your self-confidence while keeping you trying harder to win his love.  He may say he is just joking, but that shit ain’t funny. (Men have sayings that relate directly to this one: “Treat her mean, keep her keen” UK /  “You treat a girl like dirt, she’ll stick to you like mud “ USA) (See:  Narcissist Abuser).
  9. He is always negative/moaning/feeling sorry for himself.  He expects you to carry this emotional burden.
  10. He only speaks badly of his exes and past relationships, painting them always as being in the wrong.  He accepts no responsibility for the ending of past relationships and breakups.  (He probably doesn’t accept much responsibility anyway.)
  11. If he already has kids, and he has not raised them well, why would you (possibly) want to make more with him?
  12. If things have only gotten worse since you moved in together, why get married and make that shit permanent? Continue reading

Is he ignoring your text messages? Read this!

14 Dec

Sisters of Resistance would like to cross post this brilliant article from the current conscience on the power and domination men have in society and their decision to use this power to selectively, and insensitively, not text back the women in their personal lives. We have found this article both useful and very relevant. We feel readers may enjoy the below in conjunction with our articles on “Mobile Phone Based Lies” and the types of men we are advised to avoid.

His Selective Communication

Originally posted by Yashar Ali on 12-12-2011 here || Like Yashar’s fb page  ||Follow Yashar on Twitter

There’s no doubt that the primary way in which we now communicate is via text-message, email, and social media. Phone calls have fallen by the wayside.

Electronic communication has changed the dynamics of how we interact, creating both benefits and problems.

One problem that continuously arises in romantic relationships is the way in which men control the conversation by selectively ignoring texts and emails.

I like to call this behavior cafeteria responding.

That’s right. Just like when you go to a cafeteria, and walk around, picking and choosing what you want to eat, men who engage in cafeteria responding are also picking and choosing the messages and responses that appeal to them most. Leaving you hanging…

Continue reading

How to Tell if Your Man is Cheating: Part 3 – Psychology

31 Aug

To complete our How to Tell If Your Man is Cheating series, Sisters of Resistance have compiled information on the psychological and emotional profiles of men who cheat, based upon real-life experiences collectively referred to as relationship field research. In this article, we answer the questions:

         “What kind of man cheats?”

         “How does the cheating show up in his emotions?”

         “What are the structural inequalities that enable men to cheat?”

         “What does this mean for me?”

We hope these insights will help our readers to identify cheating men, as well as reveal why, if they have been cheated on, it is not their fault.

Part 1: LIES

Part 2: Behavioural Patterns and Other Evidence

Continue reading

Sex and Spittin: OG Niki

16 May

A Message for Fans and Haters

A small group of Sisters of Resistance recently spent an evening talking about OG Niki, real name Nikesha, and listening to her  interviews, ‘spit your game’ and her tunes. Here we reflect on this discussion and offer our support to her and other young women who’ve had similar experiences. We also look at some of the underlying issues raised by her lyrics and peoples responses to them.

Continue reading

Fe-mail #1: Too Little, Too Late

13 Apr

This is the start of a new column on our blog – Fe-mail. In this section we will post real-life feminist responses to incoming texts, e-mails, phone calls and conversations in the hopes that they may serve as examples to other feminists who are also working to unlearn internalised sexism and put their anti-oppressive beliefs into daily practice. Add examples from your life to the comments and you may see them in an upcoming edition of Fe-mail.

Today’s Fe-mail focuses on a text exchange between a Sista Resista (SR) and a potential suitor (PS), who met the Sista near her home only once, a year earlier, asked for her number, holla’d a couple times, and never contacted her again…until…

Potential Suitor: hey, u still livin in (name of place)?

Sista Resista: no, I moved. haven’t heard from u in forever

PS: been busy. just scrolling through my phone and thought i’d say hi.

SR: oh, you mean u broke up with the girlfriend must have had when u met me, which explains why i haven’t heard from u in a year. and now ur looking through ur numbers to see who else you can holla at. well, u can delete mine, because i’m not having it.

PS:

*END SCENE*