To complete our How to Tell If Your Man is Cheating series, Sisters of Resistance have compiled information on the psychological and emotional profiles of men who cheat, based upon real-life experiences collectively referred to as relationship field research. In this article, we answer the questions:
“What kind of man cheats?”
“How does the cheating show up in his emotions?”
“What are the structural inequalities that enable men to cheat?”
“What does this mean for me?”
We hope these insights will help our readers to identify cheating men, as well as reveal why, if they have been cheated on, it is not their fault.
Part 1: LIES
Part 2: Behavioural Patterns and Other Evidence
This is the start of a new column on our blog – Fe-mail. In this section we will post real-life feminist responses to incoming texts, e-mails, phone calls and conversations in the hopes that they may serve as examples to other feminists who are also working to unlearn internalised sexism and put their anti-oppressive beliefs into daily practice. Add examples from your life to the comments and you may see them in an upcoming edition of Fe-mail.
Today’s Fe-mail focuses on a text exchange between a Sista Resista (SR) and a potential suitor (PS), who met the Sista near her home only once, a year earlier, asked for her number, holla’d a couple times, and never contacted her again…until…
Potential Suitor: hey, u still livin in (name of place)?
Sista Resista: no, I moved. haven’t heard from u in forever
PS: been busy. just scrolling through my phone and thought i’d say hi.
SR: oh, you mean u broke up with the girlfriend must have had when u met me, which explains why i haven’t heard from u in a year. and now ur looking through ur numbers to see who else you can holla at. well, u can delete mine, because i’m not having it.
Part 2 in the Sisters of Resistance “How to Tell if Your Man is Cheating” Series focuses on a number of common tells in the behaviour of the cheaters we have encountered, especially in the ways they act around available women, and in many of their social patterns and communication habits. We present our growing list of findings here below for the benefit of women who may use them, along with their own judgment, to assess overall behaviours and avoid cheating men.
Part 1: LIES
Part 3: PSYCHOLOGY
It’s really difficult when you find out that the person you care about is cheating on you. The first thing to remember is that it is never your fault and you have done nothing to cause this. Men who cheat are taking advantage of their dominant role in society and availing of male privilege that enables them to cheat easily and without repercussion. However, we believe that if women can identify, avoid, and stop enabling this behaviour, men will have to change.
Anything anyone says could potentially be a lie; but based on our personal experiences and field research, we have compiled common LIES used by cheaters in the first of a 3-part series revealing the habits and behaviours of men who cheat. Part 2 is BEHAVIOUR PATTERNS & OTHER EVIDENCE, followed by the final part, PSYCHOLOGY. Continue reading