1.    Clear your space of the things that will trigger you. Toss their stuff out, Febreze rooms of their smell, delete pictures and emails and messages in your phone. Your trauma is real, and you don’t need external reminders of it.

2.    Exercise. Walk, run, stretch, swim, move. Do whatever you need to get your body to breathe. Massage tight places to release tension. Energy can get stuck there and you may not notice it for years. Moving your body allows it to talk to you, tell you what it needs. Be sure to listen.

Eat right. Raw fruits and vegetables are your friends. Even if you don’t feel like eating, stay hydrated. Keeping physically healthy helps you hold on. You are precious, like water; the world cannot afford to lose even a single drop.

3.    Get familiar with your coping mechanisms. Make connections between your experiences of stress and drinking, or stress and drugs, or smoking, shopping, eating or not eating. Rate your coping mechanisms from good-for-you! to “bad” and “worst”. Aim to do more of the good, less of the bad, and eliminate those in the “worst” by substituting in better things. Don’t beat yourself up when you fall off, but have a plan in place for how to get back on.

4.    Stop blaming yourself. The story of your transition from victim to survivor is your vehicle to this. It will take some work but remember you are the protagonist, whoever hurt you is a bad person, and now you are writing how the story will end. If this method seems to wear thin, watch Staceyann Chin videos as often as you like to remind yourself that what happened to you was not your fault.

5.    You have already been through the war, but as in battle, it is good to know the difference between a strategy and a tactic. Strategies are long-range plans to reach an intended goal. First comes the goal. Make it a positive one in the present tense, for example, I love myself, so I take care of my body. The strategy might then be to practice loving yourself from one moment to the next.

Tactics are the baby steps you take to make your strategy happen. A variety is needed for the many roads you’ll encounter. For example: when I feel like throwing up, I will leave the bathroom, take 5 deep breaths, sip peppermint tea. Or: when I want to self-harm, I will put on my jacket and go for a walk. Or: when I can’t stop crying, I will write in my journal. I will do yoga. I will call a friend. Use your tactics to support the hard work of day-to-day survival.

6.    Listen to yourself. You know more than you give yourself credit for: when to stop, when to seek help, when to steel yourself and push through the pain. Turn off the TV when the show starts to trigger you; leave the theatre when the film twists your insides into a knot. Speak your truth when a. you feel safe enough to do so, or b. when silence poses the greater danger. Force yourself to unplug from all digital devices when it is 3AM and you need to be up in the morning. Quiet the mind and open yourself to the sound of your inner voice. It is there to protect you, to keep you free, safe and out of harm’s way.

7.    When you meet anyone who doesn’t believe you, won’t listen to you, or reminds you of what happened, walk away. Don’t look back. Boundaries exist for a reason – use them. Don’t feel guilty for deleting their texts, not answering their calls, or responding to their mail. You owe them nothing. The future is a gift you should give to yourself. The occasion is imminent, and the best time is now.

What are some of your top self-care tips, strategies and tactics?

Put them in the comments below.

“In plain speak, you said something so prolific. And I want to unpack the statement that you made:  “When a little, pretty white woman runs into the arms of a Black man you know something wrong.”

What does this statement mean in 2013? For me, it spoke volumes. It says: In America, we are taught to fear Black Men. They are assumed to be violent, angry, and  completely & utterly untrustworthy. This statement also says what we have always known to be true for this country: White women, specifically pretty white women have no business in the same space as Black men. For as long as we can remember American society has been the sustainer of white women and the slayer of Black men.”

Originally posted at her blog. Read the whole thing here.

Hitting the Poorest Places Hardest:

The Local and National Impact of Welfare Reform

by Christina Beatty and Steve Fothergill,

Sheffield Hallam University, April 2013

The findings of the report illustrate class warfare in action – how neoliberal policies for economic “recovery” put the burden of “austerity” on the backs of the poorest and most vulnerable. So although Margaret Thatcher will be buried tomorrow at a cost of £10M to the UK taxpayer, her oppressive classist ideology can be seen to live on in the policies of the current government.

No to Welfare Reform! Stop the Cuts!

Get involved: UK Uncut

Reblogged from Queer Guess Code:

• 
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A woman once told me pointedly something that has stayed with me to this day.  We were kissing.  Lying on the cold wood floor, my hand traveled across her stomach and she whispered, "I think we should take it slow."  I agreed immediately.  Before moving in to kiss her again, I said, "Just tell me when to stop."

This, I thought, was considerate.  

Read more… 1,067 more words

Yesterday, hip-hop cultural critic Dream Hampton publicly challenged Talib Kweli, her friend and an MC with a reputation for a politics of resistance, via Twitter, saying that she was disappointed with what he had to say about the Rick Ross rape raps issue in a guest appearance in this HuffPo interview. She said although Kweli denounced the lyrics where Ross talks about drugging and raping a woman, and challenged Ross’ half-ass “apology”, his criticism was weak and that he could have – and should have – come stronger.

She critiqued the fact that Kweli said that the way to address the problem was to “embrace” problematic artists, essentially, to love them into understanding, not to make sure that they listened, as this petition to Reebok, Ross’ new sponsor, aims to do. Kweli immediately went on the defensive, reiterating that his opposition to the lyrics was clear as could be. And while claiming to be an ally, he expressed anger with Dream for speaking to him about this publicly, because as he and all of his fans kept reminding everyone, he was the “only MC” that actually dared to speak out about the issue. Problematic, but true. Which is exactly the reason why there was so much pressure was on him to say the right thing. And when he didn’t, Dream picked him up on it. In the same public arena where his allyship is most needed, and where she felt he had failed to come through.

There were some good points to the interview: Kweli reminded viewers not to place blame on the shoulders of any one artist or even artists in general, and drew rough linkages to “community,” society and the educational system. Yet although he denounced the lyric and deemed Ross’ apology to be unacceptable, his suggestion of how to address the situation – by loving Ross into understanding – was off point. His hardest hitting phrase was that Ross is “a misguided 40 year old.” This is being heralded all over the Internet as “strong words” with which he is supposedly “taking Ross to task” or calling him out.

Calling someone “misguided” (with the age reference implying that he is old enough to know better), telling them to apologize, and telling us to embrace him, doesn’t sound so strong to us. Twitter user @noniknown made a useful analogy when she said “she would not applaud an antiracist white person who asked me to love the misguided artist who condoned violence against a black man.” As an ally, Kweli could have said more, and reached further. Because as producer @eroctober put it, “Kweli is one of the most respected people in our community. If he throws a punch it should be a hook, not a jab.”

However, the very fact that Kweli was the only male MC to publicly speak out against Ross’ lyric is in itself symptomatic of the silence that surrounds and supports rape culture. As is the fact that it is his criticism that is receiving the most attention, despite the masses of women, including at least three who were on the HuffPo segment with him, who challenge rape culture explicitly but whose voices are downplayed or ignored. As @noniknown so eloquently said, “What’s actually being violated is being lost in the discussion. The female body is still taking 2nd place to an idea of this man coming forward to defend it.”

Kweli’s insistence, and that of his fans, that he is not the “bad guy” and deserves deference and respect for having spoken out at all comes from a place of privilege, and sets the bar low. Although it may have seemed like he was coming under fire for what he did/did not say, rather than adopting a heroic or savior attitude (Oh, what a good man! He dared to speak out against rape!) it would have been more effective to publicly question why he was the only so-called “conscious” male voice in hip-hop to weigh in on the issue. In a situation like this, where are people like Dead Prez? Where are KRS-One or Chuck D? Where are Mos Def, Common, Black Thought, Lupe Fiasco? We know Immortal Technique won’t be there, because his sexism is blatant. But we ask, and think Kweli could have taken the opportunity to ask as well: Why is there not a chorus of critical male voices chiming in to condemn Rick Ross’ rapey bullshit? How can we “change the community” as Kweli mentions so that next time something like this happens (and there will be a next time), we can expect a collective response from “ally” men?

In addition, his complaint that Dream should not have approached him publicly is a silencing tactic intended to prevent women from critiquing those who claim to be our “allies” and challenging them to do better with their allyship. It is akin to white people who do not want to face up to their privilege and racist beliefs saying “Don’t look at me, I’m a good white person!” Her critique came in the public eye because she felt it needed to. In light of the recent Steubenville trial that galvanized a national conversation about rape culture, Dream’s public callout of Kweli continued the conversation by checking us on our response to rape raps and rape culture, as well as what it means to be an ally. His defensive pushback, as well the fact that his was a lone male voice with so much weight in the conversation, remind us just how much work there is left to be done.

Sista Resista’s Top Tips for Allies

1. Learn to listen – before responding, before filtering, before making it about you.

2. Let down your defenses. They are of no use to you here.

3. When something gets your back up, you are probably getting called on your privilege. Take a deep breath and pay attention .

4. Being as an ally means believing us and not trying to prove us wrong. Take our feelings seriously and start from there.

5. Consistently check yourself for oppressive behavior, such as silencing tactics, singling yourself out as a hero/expecting acclaim for being a “good person,” or turning the conversation towards the dominant point of view. Recognize that although these actions may be unintentional, they are still oppressive.

6. Stand up and speak out against oppressive behaviors even if you are not the source or cause of them.

7. It is not the responsibility of members of the oppressed group to teach you how to unlearn your oppressive behaviors. We can point you in the right direction, but only when we are able and willing to do so.

8. Remember that the burden has always been on members of the oppressed group to fight our oppressions/oppressors. Try to do things that take some of that burden off of us, like asking us how you can be an ally and really listening, speaking out in an informed way but not speaking “for” us, and encouraging other people from dominant groups into allyship. Help us to not have to do all of the work.

9. Be aware of and accountable for your privileges. Use them to reject oppressive behavior, even if it poses risk to self. This is what it means to stand with the oppressed.

Props to the Seattle Grrrl Army for this dope info-mural.

Following today’s conviction of the young men in the Steubenville rape trial, Sisters of Resistance want to give a big shout-out and thank you to political analyst Zerlina Maxwell, who has been in the spotlight recently for speaking out against the rampant victim-blaming going on around the case.

We agree wholeheartedly with Zerlina’s stance that instead of telling women what they should do to prevent rape, we should instead be teaching men not to rape. In an interview on Fox News that attempted to bring together issues of sexual violence with those of gun control, Zerlina said the following:

“I don’t want anybody to be telling women anything. I don’t want women—I don’t want men to be telling me what to wear, how to act, not to drink. And I don’t, honestly, want you to tell me that I needed a gun in order to prevent my rape.”

We also want to thank blogger Alexandria Goddard for making copies of the incriminating tweets, pics and video, independently reporting on the case for months and attempting to hold the perpetrators accountable for their actions, members of Anonymous who circulated the video in order to bring attention to the case and publicize the story, and Matt Binder who compiled some of the disgusting victim-blaming and slut-shaming tweets since the verdict, effectively documenting how rape culture is supported and reinforced by society, women and men included (**TRIGGER WARNINGS** for the last couple of links).

The actions of these individuals show us that it is possible for us to effectively resist and challenge rape culture. We stand in solidarity with the Steubenville survivor and all victims and survivors of sexual violence everywhere. We especially remember Jyoti Singh Pandey, who died after a gang rape on a public bus in Delhi in December 2012, and the teenage girl in the Maldives scheduled to be publicly flogged (what century is this!?) for premarital sex (sign a petition against this here). We join with many in calling for an end to rape culture worldwide.

End rape culture now!

Filed under: culture, news, research Tagged: Alexandria Goddard, Anonymous, blaming the victim, blogging, end rape culture, end violence against women, gang rape, misogyny, rape, rape culture, resistance, sexual violence, slut-shaming, Steubenville, survivors, teaching men not to rape, victim-blaming, violence, violence against women, Zerlina Maxwell ]]> http://sistersofresistance.wordpress.com/2013/03/19/resisting-rape-culture-teaching-men-not-to-rape/feed/ 2 sistaresista Seattle Grrrl Army Anti-Rape Culture Mural Graffiti Mural Reading No More Rape Culture http://sistersofresistance.wordpress.com/2013/03/08/international-womens-day-2013-feminist-activist-vandana-shiva-on-democracy-now/ http://sistersofresistance.wordpress.com/2013/03/08/international-womens-day-2013-feminist-activist-vandana-shiva-on-democracy-now/#comments Fri, 08 Mar 2013 21:39:09 +0000 Sista Resista http://sistersofresistance.wordpress.com/?p=1690 ]]>

Vandana Shiva on International Women’s Day: “Capitalist Patriarchy Has Aggravated Violence Against Women” [Democracy Now!]

“The liberation of the earth, the liberation of women, the liberation of all humanity is the next step of freedom we need to work for, and it’s the next step of peace that we need to create.” – Vandana Shiva

“I only write when I can’t not.” – Arundhati Roy

WHO SHE IS: Indian writer and political activist, best known for her 1997 Booker Prize-winning book, The God of Small Things.

WHAT SHE HAS ACCOMPLISHED: An outspoken critic of globalization, she promotes social justice, sustainability, feminist principles and the preservation of traditional ways of life. In the past decade, she has been increasingly critical of the Indian state’s policy towards Kashmir, nuclear weapons program, and the environmental destruction and corruption caused by domestic mega-corporations, government organizations and officials.

She works tirelessly to bring to light the issues facing poor and marginalized communities across India and wrought by globalization, such as the dams and mineral quarries that displace peasants and destroy the environment under the guise of progress and development.

She has lived with revolutionary armies fighting in the Indian jungle and written about her time there, calling attention to the circumstances they face. When asked why she supports their armed resistance and does not argue for a non-violent solution, she succinctly illustrates the lack of alternatives:

“If you’re an adivasi [tribal Indian] living in a forest village and 800 CRP [Central Reserve Police] come and surround your village and start burning it, what are you supposed to do? Are you supposed to go on hunger strike? Can the hungry go on a hunger strike? Non-violence is a piece of theatre. You need an audience. What can you do when you have no audience? People have the right to resist annihilation.”

WHY WE LOVE HER: She is the embodiment of speaking truth to power. She articulately and passionately speaks out against the structural conditions and entities that maintain systemic injustice in her homeland and beyond. She critiques the realities of so-called “democracies” that have been co-opted in support of neoliberal market ideology and globalization. Despite threats to her own safety, she exhibits a matter-of-fact courage in the face of attacks by those who wish to maintain the status quo. Aware that “anybody who says anything is in danger,” she presses on with her radical agenda. She does not ask to be celebrated and she will not back down.

She refused a deal to turn The God of Small Things, her incredibly moving and original novel, into a film because she wanted each reader to be able to maintain their own vision of the story. Although she earned a substantial amount of money from its worldwide publication (it was translated into 40 languages) and sale, she has given most of her money away to political causes. She says she “is not in sacrificial mode” and does not claim to be a saint, but that as a political person, she would rather not keep it, but instead “deploy” it appropriately.

Her person, her work and her fearlessness “ignites our political imagination.” An incredible writer and public speaker, she tours not only large metropolitan areas but across India, reaching out to those in country towns and small cities, speaking on a wide range of issues related to the misdeeds of the Indian state and the policies of marketized globalization. Although she continues to write essays and political articles and has recently published an essay collection entitled “Broken Republic,” she says doesn’t care if she ever finishes a second novel, as she never intended to be a novel factory. In fact, she says in some ways she wishes she could “do as little as possible,” but that she only writes “when she can’t not.” Considering the multitude of grave injustices she challenges with her writing, we are genuinely grateful that she answers the call.

We do not own the photos above, nor do we intend any copyright infringement. Quotations taken from interviews with Ms. Roy by The Guardian. Links are below. We highly recommend these articles for further reading.

Arundhati Roy: ‘They are trying to keep me destabilised. Anybody who says anything is in danger’ [Stephen Moss, The Guardian]

Arundhati Roy: India’s bold and brilliant daughter [Ian Jack, The Guardian]

Arundhati Roy: ‘The people who created the crisis will not be the ones that come up with a solution’ [Arun Gupta, The Guardian]

“Femininjas – you won’t even know where we came from!”