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Is he ignoring your text messages? Read this!

14 Dec

Sisters of Resistance would like to cross post this brilliant article from the current conscience on the power and domination men have in society and their decision to use this power to selectively, and insensitively, not text back the women in their personal lives. We have found this article both useful and very relevant. We feel readers may enjoy the below in conjunction with our articles on “Mobile Phone Based Lies” and the types of men we are advised to avoid.

His Selective Communication

Originally posted by Yashar Ali on 12-12-2011 here || Like Yashar’s fb page  ||Follow Yashar on Twitter

There’s no doubt that the primary way in which we now communicate is via text-message, email, and social media. Phone calls have fallen by the wayside.

Electronic communication has changed the dynamics of how we interact, creating both benefits and problems.

One problem that continuously arises in romantic relationships is the way in which men control the conversation by selectively ignoring texts and emails.

I like to call this behavior cafeteria responding.

That’s right. Just like when you go to a cafeteria, and walk around, picking and choosing what you want to eat, men who engage in cafeteria responding are also picking and choosing the messages and responses that appeal to them most. Leaving you hanging…

Continue reading

Fe-mail #4 Balance

12 Jun

The same “J” described in Fe-mail #2 Property asks a Sista to buy him a second copy of CD he already has; when she asks why he needs two copies he becomes angry and asks:

Y do some people need to over complicate a simple ting? Lol I gotta laugh cz it’s kinda silly. It’s only a yes or no ting, instead u tryin to wrk out all kinda irrelevant tings. Intelligent peeps like u Shud no better than to try work out everything! And nt dat I need to say bt no I’m nt lyin I just want a copy pls if poss. Y so hard or u av to no all da reason that I want it? Cmon sis simple tings!!!

An argument comprising of 14 emails ensues. He eventually reveals he wants a second copy for his car and hurls a series of thinly veiled insults at Sista implying she is too clever for her own good. The final four emails in the exchange read:

> On 27 May 2011, at 13:51, Sista Resista wrote:
>
>> You can’t ask someone to buy you something you already have then when they ask you why you need two of the same thing tell them “don’t watch that” and “not that I need to say” etc etc
>>
>> Why would I wanna do a favour for someone who is so consistently rude and insensitive? Ignoring me one minute then asking me for favours the next.
>>
>> And all of these educated fools comments are ridiculous. And you know they are. I aint one of them “academics” who’s detached from real life jus coz I wanna know why you want two cds.

>
> —–Original Message—–
> From: “J”
> Date: Fri, 27 May 2011 14:10:26
> To: sista resista
> Subject: Re: CD
>
> Yes u can say don’t watch dat etc. Cz it’s nt ur issue why I want 2 copies unless u think I’m nt smart enough to wrk dat out for maself bt it’s a simple ting so no need for ?’s before uv even answered da original ting. It’s not like I’m a ut n ur concerned I’m spending all ma p on music n ur lookin out for me, so keep simple cz it’s nt dat. I will ask da nx person who may mention they r buyin a copy to gt an extra 1 for me. Nt a big ting n Nt free I’m happy to pay n support da ting.
>
> Sent from my iPhone

On 27 May 2011, at 14:29,  Sista Resista wrote:

> I think if I am buying the cd, it is my “issue.” Why are you so concerned with keeping such minor information to yourself? How hard would it of been to say “nah one for my car” in the first email?
>
> When we first met you seemed like such a beautiful person.
>
> Recently you seem so controlling, defensive and abusive. The second you don’t get your own way you start attacking people.
>
> Before you used to reflect on your own behaviour and listen to others. Now you have become so angry all the time. I don’t know if this is all the time or jus with me but I hope you can find some balance in your life. You really need it.
>
> —–Original Message—–

> From: “J”
> Date: Fri, May 27, 2011 at 3:45 PM
> Subject: Re: CD
> To: sista resista

> Lol. Gd reply

> Sent from my iPhone

Fe-mail #3: Irony

14 Apr

D is extremely disrespectful. Sista Resista has been trying to get him to understand she doesn’t want to link him again for over 8 months now. Linking him in the first place was a mistake. This is the most recent exchange (via text):

D: I just drove past ya. You look nice and summery. Where you off to?

SR: You coulda offered me a lift? I’m late for work :/

D: You joker! After you left me outside!

SR: You mean the time I told you about 10 times not to come round, that I don’t wanna see you again, that your too disrespectful and to delete my number and you came round anyway? That was your own fault for not listening to a word I say!

D: Yea yea whatever. Can I come see you later?

SR: I say you don’t listen to a word I say and you reply “yea yea whatever”? Do you understand how ironic this is?

(Two days later)

D: Heyy what you saying.. what you up to?

SR: At a conference with work

D: Am I coming to see ya for a bit later then?

Fe-mail #2: Property

14 Apr

Sista Resista was in a sort of ‘relationship’ with J for over six months and has been regrettably seeing him now for nearly a year. He was inconsiderate, unreliable and selfish, a typical Alpha Male. He left Sista waiting around for him for hours/days; she never knew if/when he was really coming round when he said he was. This was one of the many ways he controlled her and the entire relationship.

He would always leave items of clothing in the house and without her knowledge he left a jacket after they had split up and she thought she had given him back all his stuff. As he had left it without her knowledge, when he asked for it (a pretence to come round) she said she didn’t have it.

Recently she found the jacket and texted him after a month of not talking. His response triggered the negative emotions he caused her during the relationship and she decided she no longer wanted to see him to give him the jacket back. He responded to this decision by saying he would “kick down [her] door” and by repeatedly calling her a “fucking idiot” and asking if she is “fucking sick in the head” among numerous other threats and insults.

This is the last exchange (by text):

J: Scorn!!! Look at your 1 st txt your a joker can’t believe you tried it. My property isn’t something you should be trying to use as some tool. Never had that kind of shit from no one so please dont try be the 1 st, dont make sense. So would like to know when I can collect please coz I did ask from time now. If not let me know so can sort something.

SR: I am not using it as a ‘tool.’ Your vague response that you would holla when your about at some undetermined point in the future triggered negative emotions and brought back sad memories of me waiting around for you in the past. A subject weve spoke about alot. And about which you have agreed your behaviour has been inconsiderate and unfair. Following the threats, aggression and verbal abuse you subjected me to on the phone, I am uncomfortable meeting you. But in the interests of returning your property I will try to arrange something with my housemate or downstairs neighbour.

Fe-mail #1: Too Little, Too Late

13 Apr

This is the start of a new column on our blog – Fe-mail. In this section we will post real-life feminist responses to incoming texts, e-mails, phone calls and conversations in the hopes that they may serve as examples to other feminists who are also working to unlearn internalised sexism and put their anti-oppressive beliefs into daily practice. Add examples from your life to the comments and you may see them in an upcoming edition of Fe-mail.

Today’s Fe-mail focuses on a text exchange between a Sista Resista (SR) and a potential suitor (PS), who met the Sista near her home only once, a year earlier, asked for her number, holla’d a couple times, and never contacted her again…until…

Potential Suitor: hey, u still livin in (name of place)?

Sista Resista: no, I moved. haven’t heard from u in forever

PS: been busy. just scrolling through my phone and thought i’d say hi.

SR: oh, you mean u broke up with the girlfriend must have had when u met me, which explains why i haven’t heard from u in a year. and now ur looking through ur numbers to see who else you can holla at. well, u can delete mine, because i’m not having it.

PS:

*END SCENE*