How to Tell if Your Man is Cheating: Part 2 – Behavioural Patterns and Other Evidence

4 Apr

Part 2 in the Sisters of Resistance “How to Tell if Your Man is Cheating” Series focuses on a number of common tells in the behaviour of the cheaters we have encountered, especially in the ways they act around available women, and in many of their social patterns and communication habits.  We present our growing list of findings here below for the benefit of women who may use them, along with their own judgment, to assess overall behaviours and avoid cheating men.

Part 1: LIES

Part 3: PSYCHOLOGY

PART 2: BEHAVIOURAL PATTERNS AND OTHER EVIDENCE

A. Behaviour Around Women

SoR have noted in our extensive field research that men who cheat treat women in a similar manner. So if you want to know how he’s going to act with new women to whom he is attracted, think back to how he operated with you when you first met. This may be indicative of his typical behaviour patterns.

If he had a girlfriend when you first met and he still got down with you, he is a cheater. It is unlikely that he made an exception for you. Do not ignore this evidence.

If he tried to get to know your body before your brain, this is most likely the way he operates with other women. A guy who will move to you the first time you two are alone has done this before, and will do it again.

If he ramps up the intensity of the relationship in the early days with pet names, affectionate texts/calls that seem too early or otherwise out of place, he is working to get you hooked on him. This is typical of the Player type (for more, see 5 Types of Men to Avoid: The Player).

If over time he is unable to sustain this level of affectionate interaction with you, he may be working on hooking someone new.

Ask him about past relationships. Surprisingly, men who cheat will often be honest about cheating on past girlfriends. This does not mean he has changed and this does not mean he will not cheat on you. (NB: If you are dealing with a Player, he will not admit this information.) Be especially cautious if he tells you that he is “working on changing” or “trying to be better.”

If he blatantly checks out other girls when you are with him, be on your guard. This also applies if you are speaking with him on the phone and he will not say your name. You are likely dealing with a cheater, and not an especially skilled one, either.

B. Social Patterns

If he has a group of male friends who often cheat, it is highly likely that he also cheats. Ask him what kind of relationships with women his male friends have and listen very closely to the reply.

If the amount of time he spends with you decreases dramatically and/or the amount of attention he pays to you increases dramatically for no apparent reason, he is most likely cheating. The likelihood of his cheating increases if these two tells are seen at the same time.

If he develops a new hobby out-of-the-blue or suddenly starts going to the gym / caring more about his looks/clothing, he could be trying to attract / impress someone new.

If he is too quick to offer explanations/alibis re: where he was, what he was doing, or who he was with (especially if you haven’t asked), he has been preparing to deceive you. If this explanation seems sudden, outlandish or strangely unbelievable (see: Exceptional Circumstance Lies), you can be certain he has been cheating.

Be very wary of men who spend a lot time flirting or “getting to know” women online, by text, for “business purposes,” via BlackBerry messenger/whatsapp/anyother messenger service. Men who are very flirtatious with the women in their lives may extend this ego-boosting behaviour to cheating.

C. Other Evidence (See Also Part I: LIES)

Facebook

Random Facebook “likes” or comments from females

New female “friends” on FB regularly

Heavy chatting activity (flirting on FB all the time in front of you – some cheaters have no shame)

Very guarded with FB usage (never on FB in front of you, never leaves himself logged in)

E-Mails/Other Internet Usage

Never checks email in front of you

Closes any website/window as soon as you walk into the room (one-off or habitually, it’s suspicious).

Texts/Messengers/Mobile Phone Usage (See also Part 1: Mobile-Phone-Based Lies)

Furtive or secretive texting or phone calls

Always takes his calls out of the room or out of your earshot

Often “misses” calls on purpose when around you (may be accompanied by a covering statement to lead you astray: “It’s my cousin. I’ll call him back later”).

If he does answer, says “I’m with a friend” or something similar, never mentioning your name.

Doesn’t answer phone all night. When approached the next day he says he was asleep, phone was dead/on vibrate, or he left it somewhere.

Many men are skilled at leading women on or maintaining contact for potential cheating via text or BBM and are quick to cover their tracks by deleting messages they send. If you see flirtatious texts from other women, do not assume the conversation is one way.

Physical Evidence

Earrings that are not yours, found in his home or car. He may even call you to ask if a pair of earrings are yours, and when you say they are not, backtrack to say they may be guys’ earrings anyway.

Empty condom wrappers that he did not use with you in a bag that belongs to him.

A hotel receipt in a bag that belongs to him, for a hotel stay at which you were not present.

A cinema ticket for a film you didn’t see with him.

When confronted with this type of physical evidence, he may come up with an impromptu lie, e.g. “It’s not mine, it’s my friend’s.” These lies may be more complex depending upon how desperate he is to disguise the cheating (See also: Lies Upon Being Found Out).

Do you know men who cheat?

We are soliciting other examples of behaviour, social patterns or other evidence you’ve seen in men who cheat to help us expand this article and provide additional examples for women to use to assess their own situations. Leave them in the comments and we’ll add them to the list.

68 Responses to “How to Tell if Your Man is Cheating: Part 2 – Behavioural Patterns and Other Evidence”

  1. curious April 5, 2011 at 6:12 pm #

    do yall have any insight from a lgbtq perspective? your articles aim to address and challenge patriarchy, but are also extremely heteronormative at the same time. i find it a bit counter-productive to go after one oppression but promote another.

    • sistaresista April 5, 2011 at 9:29 pm #

      Thank you for your response. As you have noted, in the month in which this blog has been live, we have posted a few articles addressed to women who have intimate/romantic relationships with men. However, our articles are not intended for solely hetero women, nor are they written by them. While it may seem to some readers that any discussion of some male-female relationship dynamics, such as those we describe in the “How to Tell if Your Man is Cheating” Series (the title of which was intentionally selected to enable us to intervene in heteronormative discourse) and “5 Men to Avoid,” is inherently heteronormative, it appears to us that this view is reductionist, as it does not consider that the female-identifying audience it addresses may also, like us, be sexually oriented to more than just men. We believe that by employing a radical critique of the hetero-norms of patriarchy and sexism as well as the concept of “standing by your man” if/when he cheats or otherwise displays sexist misogyny and abuse, our work is actively challenging the vastly more common and hetero-normative advice to women regarding how to “catch” and “keep” a man.

      As bisexual women, we make it a point in the About section of our blog to explicitly state that we “can envision a world in which all of earth’s inhabitants, women, men, trans, intersex and gender non-specific people of all colours, sexual orientations, religions, abilities and creeds, all humans and all other species, are free to live in non-hierarchical harmony with each other.” We have also compiled an extensive list of resources to which people may refer for more detailed radical information, in which Gender and Sexuality is the first section: http://sistersofresistance.wordpress.com/resources/#gendersex (The opening video is about homophobia in hip-hop and includes filmmaker Byron Hurt confronting some of the biggest names in hip-hop about their homophobic attitudes). We welcome your suggestions for additions to this list.

      While a resource list does not do enough on its own to centralise queer issues, we hope that our intentional inclusion of LGBTQII-specific topics, and our accompanying bisexual perspectives, will become more apparent over time as the content library grows. Included among these are plans for upcoming articles on polyamory and other non-traditional relationships and family structures, as well as “Women We Admire” articles featuring prominent lesbian authors and theorists. Due to the inherent intersections and linkages among different types of oppression, we are not and would never commit to offering a single-issue blog; however, some articles may be more focused than others on certain topic areas. We acknowledge both this directed focus as well as more visibly intersectional pieces as necessary components of our struggle against all oppression in all its forms.

      Once again, we welcome your suggestions for additional revolutionary/radical LGBTQII links, videos, books for our resources page, blogs for our blogroll, or article topics for us to consider. And thank you for voicing your curiosity, not only for your own sake, but for the sake of others who may be thinking the same.

      Radically yours,

      Sisters of Resistance

    • Katie June 3, 2013 at 5:14 am #

      After reading about the different types of players, I realize my “man” is a combination of them. He is probably mostly a narcissistic abuser, but also part gangsta and Peter Pan. I think he’s actually got many of the players behaviors and characteristics and lies beat. I believe he has taken some of my things like hats, sweaters, a skirt, and probably some of my panties to his “OG’s.”. I say this because he has “borrowed” my hat and never brought it back. I also say this because he has brought me a pair of seat pants and a pair of panties that he said were his daughter’s and that they didn’ fit her anymore, SURE they were his daughter’s! How sick is that. He must get some sick thrill of letting me know about his cheating without really telling me. You will not believe this, but he even left a used rubber wrapped up in cellophane from a cigarett pack on my computer desk. I freaked out when I saw it because I knew it was not mine! He told me it was probably mys dAughter’s! It had his pubic hair in it! He wants to let me know he doesn’t need me for anything and that he could easily on out and find 2 just like me. He thinks that every woman wants to have sex with him and he is ALWAYS talking about wanting another woman to join us during sex. Obviously I am not enough. He constantly checks out other woman and talks about what he would do to them and reminds me that he has enough for sharing. He wants to know where I am every minute-and likes it best when I am home with my kids, but I am not allowed to ask him where he is, who he is with, or when he is coming home. I could go on and on, I think I may even write a book. I don’t know if these are the kinds og things sistersofresistance wants posted, but I know they are happening to me, and I need to get free from this player’s control!

  2. Sarah October 9, 2011 at 2:49 am #

    When hes out with another woman doesnt answer phone all nite. When approached next day he says he was sleep, phone was dead/or on vibrate, or he left it somewhere.

    • Sista Resista November 5, 2011 at 6:36 pm #

      Real talk. Thanks for adding in.

      All the best
      SoR

      • susan slettedal February 16, 2012 at 11:52 pm #

        I have a great example. I have been dating a man for eight months who lives out of town. I had known him for 2 years when he lived in my city. He paid me to fly out to Vail twice a month, called and text many times daily. He had been a Boyscout leader and avid volunteer and such a good guy. We agreed that we would tell if each other if we started to date and agreed not to have sex with any one else (several times). I’ll spare you the details but he made me feel so special and that what we had was so special I was falling in love with him. He had already stated he loved me several times. The passion was off the charts. He introduced me as his girlfriend to many people in this town where everyone knows everyone else. I started to pick up vibes from these people in the last two weeks and one flat out said “Watch Out!” While in the van to go back to the airport the last time, I was telling the driver why I was in Vail. He said “I’ve heard that exact same story from another woman who said she was in a committed relationship with a guy that works at the same place and is originally from the city you are from.” Exposed! I found out that he not only had been seeing her the whole time, there was a third woman. All of us lived out of town. The angels must have been in the van with me that day. What are the chances that I’d be in that van with that driver and strike up that conversation. Saved! He is very angry of course that I found out. I just wish I could let the other women know, they are a emotional and physical risk.

  3. "crazy"beotch October 19, 2011 at 5:24 pm #

    I wish you were my parent…You would have saved me from a lot of b.s. back in high school.Now,I’m currently living with the cheater/abuser and suffer from developed depression.
    This WHOLE article is describing my kids father down to a T and a lot the information given here have been just theories of mine.Now I know for sure I’m not crazy after-all!
    It’s sad that I’m so isolated and it seems like none of my ‘friends” really understand what I’ve been having to deal with for the last five years…
    And it’s kind of scary the girl he cheated on me with repeatedly,she knew about us,is now studying psychology.And she is one of the reasons why I suffer with insecurities daily!I swear if she becomes licensed my hope for humanity will come to a complete halt.I would put her name (_____)here,but that will just give publicity she doesn’t deserve.lol*

  4. The confidence guru November 15, 2011 at 10:46 am #

    Love every bit of this article, in fact, I’ll write somethign about it in my blog.
    Keep them comming, cheaters have to be stopped, even if I’m a man, i’ll say this loud and clear: Don’t hurt others, if you don’t like whose with you, face him and let her be free, no one needs to suffer because of cheating.

    • Olivia Gomez November 23, 2014 at 8:29 pm #

      That is all we women ask for the truth nothing else and also let us go so we find someone that will be worth us being with….

  5. Samantha December 19, 2011 at 4:59 am #

    Uhm OK so my bf ain’t got no cell so he call me off his house he left on Wednesday. Saying he wass going over his guy crib but he still ain’t come home yet n he haven’t called me ( he had lived with this gf well his ex now Fah 2 years they broke up like 3 months ago n he has some stuff over there now we had got into it like last week cause he called me thinking he was calling her) you think hes cheating on me with her?

    • Sista Resista December 19, 2011 at 8:02 am #

      Sorry to say this but yes. He has given you no reason to trust him and every reason to suspect him. Dump him already; he’s not worth your time, love, energy or attention. You deserve better.

      Wishing you the best,
      SoR

      • Samantha December 19, 2011 at 10:43 pm #

        Okayy thanks i have another question my friend needs help she was talking to this boy she realy liked him me her n my other friend went to chill with him n his guys he was cool at first until he got drunk n he disrespected her n us he even tried talking to my other friend infront of her but when we went home my other friend wanted his brothers number so she asked him for her n he thought that she wanted it so he started calling her a strag n other names n deleted her off fb so ny friend decided to talk to his other brother is she making a bad decision?

  6. Maria February 11, 2012 at 4:16 am #

    My fiance definitely has a history of being a player type. I have this terrible feeling that he’s cheating on me, but no physical evidence. We’ve only been having sex about 1x per week (because I am not a very sexual person) and he constantly complains and is angry with me and telsl me how hard it is for him to only have sex that often. He used to be a big party guy, and worked out constantly but stopped going out to bars and working out awhile after we started dating. The past few weeks he has been going out to bars a lot with his friends, dressing up when he goes out, and working out like crazy. We barely talk anymore and he rarely initiate saying “I love you” anymore. In addition to this, he has a trip coming up with a lot of his single friends. He originally told me he was going with his little brother and then I found out he was going with 1 friend from work and recently found out he was going with a GROUP of single guy friends. I do not know how to confront him because I have no physical evidence and when I’ve confronted him about other lies he’s told me about things besides cheating in the past, he tends to be the kind of guy that will have an excuse for EVERYTHING, even if you have the evidence in his face. To make matters worse, we live together and he has no where else to go, what should I do?

    • Heather March 24, 2012 at 7:34 am #

      I’m sorry hun. It does sound like he is cheating on you. The whole going out to the bar/working out all of a sudden thing is a huge red flag. He has no reason to start caring about his appearance like that if he is in a relationship with you and you are fine with the way he looks. The trip with all the single guys is a definite deal-breaker. He lied about it for one thing, so you already know there’s something shady going on. As your FIANCE, he should respect you enough to say, “hey guys, I’m sorry but I’m in a committed relationship and I just don’t do that anymore. I’ll catch up with you guys when you get back and you can tell me about it.” You deserve way better than that and there are guys out there who would be respectful of your feelings and not do those things to you. Get rid of this guy!

    • Chris August 29, 2013 at 1:44 am #

      Anther way to tell if they are cheating on you is when they tell you that you are crazy when you tell them you saw them do this or that or heard them say this or that to some woman. They are very quick at trying to make you think your seeing or hearing things that you didn’t see or hear and that your just crazy.. Typical cheating man

  7. mary February 25, 2012 at 5:38 pm #

    My bf & i was coming home from dinner last nite we were having a conversation about how the weather been strange that day. he says hey did u see the size of the sleet when i was talkn to u on the phone. i said no i didnt i didnt talk to u on the phone today. he said oh i must thought u did. he said he was just confused on what day he talked to me. is he cheating

  8. Lexii'Maii April 26, 2012 at 2:35 pm #

    My boyfrend would give me all hiss passwords up until he bought a blackberry, he then put a password on the fone and would not tell it me I found this suspicious because all his male frends had the password. If I asked him to let me look at his pictures or music so I could send some to my phone he would make the excuse up that he had deleted them. But he was always setting new pictures as his display picture on bbm, and often played his music with uptodate songs. He new the password to my phone and constantly checked it to see who I was talking to and what the conversation was about. Also, he used to tell me he loved me evry night he told me he loved me then all of a sudden he said he diddnt like to keep telling me he loved me because his excuse was he told me too often.

  9. Julia May 12, 2012 at 12:40 pm #

    I have a question. If my husband tells me he does not feel like being intimate or avoids all together, should I be worried?

    • Sista Resista December 23, 2012 at 3:59 am #

      Hi Julia,

      This could be happening for many reasons, but it is not a sign of a healthy relationship. It is usually something that is best treated with professional relationship counseling, so you can find out the reasons why he does not wish to be intimate. If he will not go with you to counseling, it is possible he could be trying to hide something or ashamed of something. You need to put this together with other factors to determine what the reasons might be.

      Wishing you the best of luck and hope you reach an understanding soon,
      SoR

  10. gizelle July 8, 2012 at 4:58 pm #

    My boyfriend was have sex with a girl I ask him and he’s said yes. That he told her not to call he’s fone know more and that he have delete her form he’s BBM but I saw her on he’s BBM. Pls help me what do u think I can do abut dis?

  11. May July 23, 2012 at 3:50 pm #

    I had been on and off with my honey but there was one time where I felt he was talking to other women behind my back. I decided to follow my guy feeling I went through his phone and he had disguised some of these women’s names to make them look like they were someone else. I decided to call them to get to the bottom of this sure enough there was nothing going on but the fact that he lied to me was no ok.

  12. Need advice October 30, 2012 at 6:45 pm #

    My current bf was “in love with me” and i believed him! I moved into his house & everything! Now i’m 5 months pregnant with his baby and out of no where he decides he doesn’t have any feelings anymore and wants to be “alone”. I am still living with him because i have no where else to go and he doesnt want to abandon the baby. It isnt so awkward anymore but he acts like my bf still! He kisses me, & touches me, & even asks to have intercourse, he tells me he loves me when i ask him but says that he just doesn’t wanna be with me! I asked friends for advice and they said it could be the pregnancy that is affecting him but i think it could be more. He works late at night and has started new habits like smoking and so, and i feel he is different. He even has a lock on his phone now so i can’t see it! Could he be cheating?

    • Sista Resista December 23, 2012 at 3:56 am #

      So sorry to hear! Whether or not he is cheating (and it is likely that he is) you are in a bad relationship and you deserve to get out and be treated better. Are there no family or friends who you could reach out to for support? The longer you stay with him, the more he will be able to manipulate you. It is important to separate yourself from him and to cut communication so he is no longer able to maintain emotional control over you. His saying he “loves you but doesn’t want to be with you” is a contradiction – he is saying two things at once. Trust your instincts and leave him. His dishonesty and failure to emotionally support you is a clear sign that he is not committed to your or your relationship, or to your child. You will be better off without him.

      Please take care of yourself, and your baby. We are in your corner.

      All the best,
      Sisters of Resistance

  13. angelor December 22, 2012 at 4:03 pm #

    Thank-you so much for these articles. For the longest time, I thought there was something wrong with ME that I saw all these red flags. Now I realize that it is ME. For whatever reason, I am attracted to the player. Perhaps to try and “fix” what went wrong with my very first player.
    I swear, the man Im “involved” with now has used almost all of the lies and exhibits many of the behavioral patterns discussed here. Im going to work on dropping him like a hot potato. Dammit, I deserve better!

    • Sista Resista December 23, 2012 at 3:51 am #

      You are doing the right thing! We are behind you. You have seen him for what he is — now to untangle yourself from his web of lies! You do deserve better – much, much better. Wishing you all the best!

      In solidarity,
      SoR

  14. gin January 21, 2013 at 8:30 pm #

    Omg that is or was the guy I was dating..
    He would always think it was me just not trusting him…he then would blow up, tell me we aren’t good for each other and I should find a guy he would put up with me….then I would beg him to come back…I’m trying my hardest to cut of communication. I have to let go….

    • Erica January 31, 2013 at 2:53 am #

      My boyfriend goes to college, he acts differently now. we have been dating for over a year already, but our arguements have gotten worse. he changed his facebook password and doesn’t let me see the messages he gets. he reads, replies, and deletes them. When i get close to his phone, he gets angry and accuses me of not trusting him. When he is in college, he takes half an hour or more to reply… do you think he is cheating?

    • Sabrina March 8, 2013 at 9:19 pm #

      Gin,
      I’m going through the very same thing with the man I’m involved with also. He is wanting me to move to Iowa and live with him, but he has cheated on me in the past and got caught because the women talked bout it on Facebook, he tried telling me it was a joke, but after awhile when their is more than one women saying she has been with him , you know, and he had a naked picture of on e of them on his phone. We tried to patch things up and get beyond his cheating. But he cant understand why I cant blindly trust him, So when women say things on facebook and I question him, he blows up and yells and tells me I’m craz and some kind of insecure loon.

    • Sista Resista April 29, 2013 at 8:23 pm #

      He sounds like he’s no good. Emotionally volatile and manipulative! You don’t need that in your life. It’s good you are working to cut communication. Stay strong sis.

      http://sistersofresistance.wordpress.com/2011/06/06/how-to-leave-a-bad-relationship-part-1-cutting-communication

      Solidarity,
      SoR

  15. Birdie April 21, 2013 at 11:35 am #

    Cheater has more than one cell phone–to keep the ladies separate, and straight lol. He won’t mistakely respond to wrong person.

  16. ang April 23, 2013 at 8:39 am #

    Ive had a bad experience where my BF continually accused me of cheating and lying and absolutely any and everything else that he could think of to hurt me and cover his actions up, I guess, i later found out that everything he had ever accused me of were things he was in fact guilty of.. such a douche bag!

    • Sista Resista April 29, 2013 at 8:19 pm #

      It’s common for cheaters to try to deflect negative attention onto you. Really good that you realized it when you did…better late than never, especially when it comes to getting out of a bad relationship!

      All the best,
      SoR

  17. Sista Resista April 29, 2013 at 8:21 pm #

    You don’t need to take this kind of behaviour. You deserve better! The energy you expend trying to cope with his cheating could be put to use looking after yourself and developing your own interests. We encourage you to get out of the bad relationship as soon as possible.

    http://sistersofresistance.wordpress.com/2011/06/06/how-to-leave-a-bad-relationship-part-1-cutting-communication/

    Good luck!
    SoR

  18. Dp May 1, 2013 at 3:02 am #

    Ck history on cell. If you find a dating site, look for him on intimate encounters. That there I found a profile for my bf. I got I new second number and texted him as someone else he took the bait. Stared at women all the time while we were out together. Hurtful painful distructive. No words can discribe the shock humiliation and disappointment.

  19. lolilick May 10, 2013 at 1:35 am #

    How you can tell your man is cheating he never have any money to buy you things like he use to.also when he stop complimenting you.if you just got your hair did and put on a nice outfit and you know you look good but he don’t say anything he’s cheating.also when he starts arguments for no reason then blow up on you and turn things around on you.when he makes comments like I don’t have to be here I don’t need you.and when he claim he’s working overtime but the money ant right. Be ware ladies

  20. sophie May 18, 2013 at 12:34 am #

    Hi, my boyfriend moved for the second time to Riyadh in SAudi arabia, and now lives in a compound. He moved last week. Since then, he tried to keep int touch via texts, but no phonecalls. Tried to call him on Wednesday night (which effectively is their Friday night) and for the whole night his mobile was ringing out, no reply. I found him next morning (he texted me at his time 9.30 am to say he was sleeping from early afternoon Wedensday night. He went to Riyadh that saturday, and according to what he says, he was working from Sunday. SO, he could be tired. Should I worry?…also, he got a second mobile number (saudi) and changes the uk sim card (which is the one i text him on, as it is cheaper for me) with the new saudi simcard (ie: one handset between new saudi number and uk number). he also has an ‘old’ saudi mobile phone. I noticed that in the evenings he only keeps the saudi sims,the uk sim (ie the one i usually text him, is not on a mobile. Before he left, we had huge argument, and he insisted he wants me and wants to marry me …. he is 52..am 40. We know each other as friends for over 15years, but only around 2as lovers and he is very difficult. Do you think he cheats on me??? He used to say in the uk, that if a man is a cheater he has 2 mobiles…and now he is in saudi and has 2!!!!! and has dissapeared one night, etc…Why does he keep me here? Am i the perfect victim? Please some advise…. Thank you…

    • Sista Resista June 2, 2013 at 10:44 pm #

      Hi Sophie,

      From what you have said, it seems to be difficult to tell. I would keep an eye on it and see if his behaviour continues to be strange. If he remains distant and not communicative, and doesn’t try to accommodate you in terms of keeping a phone available that you can call, these are all bad signs. Long distance relationships are hard enough without a partner who won’t try their hardest to keep communication lines open. A truly loving partner would want to be available to you whenever you need them. If he doesn’t offer this to you, I would advise you to leave him and move on.

      Best of luck,
      SoR

  21. Amish May 29, 2013 at 1:15 am #

    Thank you for opening my eyes everything has been said in above is true I have noticed it many times with my ex boyfriend and funny now he wants back and I reading this I don’t want him.

  22. Katy August 8, 2013 at 3:34 am #

    I was with my boyfriend for 3 months and surprise we got pregnate. Our daughter was born the day after our one year anniversary. After about 6 months after our daughter was born he stopped calling me pretty and stopes giving me any affection and started going to the gym “so he says”… Well one day I asked if I could go to the gym with him and he said ok after he got off work. So I get ready to go and when he comes home he says he can’t take me cause he wants his friend to go cause he can only get one person in free well we end up getting in an argue ment and he goes by himself “so he says” shortly after he started going to the gym he dumps me… Iv had a feeling for a while that I thought he was seeing someone but I never had any proof… So I was wondering what you think about the situation?

  23. sabina August 23, 2013 at 12:34 pm #

    i knw he is cheating on me bt iam nt moved its in hs veins. Though i’l hit back to the bone soon.

    • Ritz August 27, 2013 at 7:08 pm #

      Hi Gin

      I lived with my bf and I have some problem with him – I can’t tell if he is cheating or not – I catch him talking with girls and looking wiTh girls online but he denied it and tell I’m creating a problem and I’m nuts even though I showed him proof and never accepted his mistake ..

      One time one girl wrote him email and say hi and ask how is he doing and he replied that everything is ok and blah blah

      My mistake was I replied to her that I am with my gf he told me before that he was after with this girl before she even meet me but did not work out.

      What I don’t understand is he wrote to this girl : the girl hijacked my computer – what was he implying ? Is he denying me that I’m his gf?

      The girl replied that : I trust you I know it’s not you it must be your friend.

      I was hurt knowing that this girl thinks I was just a friend with my own boyfriend.

      I love my bf so much but I’m losing trust with him for this.
      He keeps saying he loves me and I am very important to him but I have the feeling that he is just playing with my heart.

      Pls.help me I need your advice..

      Thank you
      Ritz

  24. samantha chambers October 7, 2013 at 4:26 am #

    PLEASE HELP
    should i continue on with this man?We talked a few years ago but it ended becuase he couldnt leave his ex girlfirend alone he says the reason is becuase he knows that shes really loyal to him and will bend over backwards for him and hes scare to leave that for something else so we stopped talking but lately we got back talking and its been great but that girl is still in his life and he says that hes fully trying to leave her becuase its just not there nomore the attraction but hes still scared to and he wants to be with me. Hes trying slowly to tell her as he claims she comes over to his apartment still but he ignores her he literally was on the phone with me while she was there ignoring her but she still wouldnt leave my fear is that while were together hes going to go back to her because hes done it before theyve been together for 4 years…should i even bother with him? How we talk and everything is perfect he says he just wants to start something new with me but idk its like my mind and heart telling me two different things what you guys think?

  25. pandora 3534 October 19, 2013 at 11:20 am #

    My ex boyfriend we were together for 7yrs 2yrs engage he cheated on me he ws incontact w me from the time he moved out bt what I didn’t know is he ws seeing someone else I found out when she ph me by stealing my num off his daughter ph he lied to her about his where abouts he slept w me and w another woman and with her and then 5days later gts engage to her his mom died about 1mnth and 2weeks ago if a man can do that it means he doesn’t love any of us

  26. Diane Lombardo October 21, 2013 at 12:02 am #

    Here is the easiest detector! Marriedz men who use the word “sex” and “sexy” casually in their spoken vocabulary are prime targets for the cheater catagory. Faithful men don’t even SAY the word. In fact, their faces turn red and they get flustered if a women even says the word around them. The more casual the committed man refers to “sex” and “sexy” in general conversation, the more cheating he’s up to. I have worked with numerous married men throughout a career, and I nailed the one characteristic that separated the men from the boys infallibly. If he SAYS the word around other women, he will ACT on his word…guaranteed.

  27. Lauraballardreyespink November 15, 2013 at 11:04 pm #

    Well I walked in the room and he hit some button quick because what was on the phone changed . He let me use his phone later that night . I couldn’t get on my Facebook. And wanted to get on his he said no. So I figured out a way to get on his and he had text a girl I know. Ask what she was doing that it was late and she HD to work didn’t see a reply . from her. But he, could of erased it. He said he was bored and he wasd only being nice

    • Sista Resista November 16, 2013 at 12:11 am #

      He is definitely hiding something. We say don’t wait around to find out what. End it now. Good luck!

      • Eve March 26, 2014 at 2:51 pm #

        i just happened to read the articles, and i was really stunned, everything in there really hit me, i thought i was just over analyzing things, i deciphered almost every word he told me and tried persuading myself that maybe he meant every word and really loved me, i was desperate and tried telling myself that he is not cheating nor a cheater, he really played it well,we were in a long distance relationship and i was blindsided because he kept telling me those beautiful things, promising good things, talking to my aunts and cousins through email, meeting and visiting my uncle in canada, who would have known.. he was divorced with four kids and after just a few months of dating, he proposed, i thought it was fast and i havent met anyone from his family, he always say, his ex wife is excluding him from their kid’s life, or he dont talk to her mom or brothers, it was a nasty divorce too, his ex wife calling him names, i tried talking him into reconnecting with his mom but still we werent introduced, gut feelings were telling me he is not telling me the truth but i accepted his proposal nevertheless, i admit, i just allowed myself into falling blindly inlove with him,and for a moment i supressed all the things that were bothering me and just went along with the “in love” feeling…he would be frequently jealous out of nowhere too, and even sent a message to my ex bf who is now happily married, we are in good terms when we broke but we chat seldomly and have been good friends since, but he made a big drama about me and my ex bf so i ended apologising, my ex bf just ignored it and was really mature about it..fastforward, i already broke it off just three months ago, when lo and behold i caught him cheating, i dont know how long he has been doing that but it felt like it has been awhile, like i said i ignored my gut feelings before but this time, there is a solid proof..im glad it was over, i can say that he was the worst man i had relationship with, and it makes me think or regret of letting go of the good guys in the past, this guy made them look like angels..it was a long comment, i guess i was still in a recovery process, i get angry whenever i remember him,his lies, his manipulations, like i said the articles really described him,it made me realize i wasnt going through this alone, it made me feel less hurt..thank you so much for your efforts, it’s enlightening and most specially helpful to all women or men alike..cheating is a really really dark side, it’s almost like a crime

  28. cathy December 28, 2013 at 3:17 am #

    I would like to know what if0 he deletes all his sms nd including mine and whatsapp and bbm conversations even mine?? Is he cheating?

  29. Christina Sykes February 5, 2014 at 6:09 am #

    Yea his name is Robert Anthony carrion he Spanish we have two kids together daughters he 26 years old he Hispanic been off on four years he works in Indian restruantv

  30. Kim Jackson April 1, 2014 at 11:46 pm #

    After a couple of months of dating, my man, who lived in a nearby town , accidentally sent an ordinary text to me addressed to a Karen. When I asked him who Karen was, he told me she was his sister. We hadn’t known each other that long but I remembered he had 2 sisters and also remembered neither of them were named Karen. When I informed him of this, he said he lied because Karen was just a friend and he didn’t want me to think otherwise. I said, if she’s just a friend there was no need to lie about it. I persisted for months not satisfied he was telling me the truth until I finally broke him and he confessed to having sex with Karen, but only twice (yeah right). He moved into my home with me 6 months after we met. I was so suspicious, I managed to get his phone records to discover he and Karen were texting each for months after he moved in. One month he went back to his home town to bring more of his belongings to my home. His phone records showed he sent Karen 14 text messages in one day, but swears he didn’t meet her that day (yeah right). I have never trusted him since.

  31. Marta June 20, 2014 at 4:13 am #

    I was recently dating a man that said that he didn’t have any phone signal at home, because he lives in the country. So, he will see me or call me before going up the hill which was usually before 9:00pm. From that time on I couldn’t reach him except for whatsapp. On weekends, he said he gave conferences on catastrophic illness, so I couldn’t see him for three weekends in a row. After the third weekend I admitted to myself that there was something wrong. Because he is a psychologist and has his cell phone on his website, I had a friend call him at a time he said he was at home and he answered the phone. Then I discovered he was lying to me the whole time and is probably living with someone.

  32. lungile August 19, 2014 at 8:17 am #

    ja i dod c wht i just read here n i think im in love with a player….

  33. Delight September 2, 2014 at 12:47 pm #

    I have been in a long distance relationship with this guy for quite sometime now. One time he accidentally forwarded me a conversation between him and some girl, in the conversation he called her his wife and told her that he was coming home to her. When I asked him who the lady was he told me that she was his cousin’s girlfriend, and only recently I got to know that actually she was his girlfriend. When I asked him about it, he said that she was now an ex and that he has me n love me. He has told his mum about me and before I learnt the truth he had introduced me to his father and siz as his wife to be, actually according to the sister i am the first lady he has introduced physically to his relations please help with urgent advice, should I quit or should I stay,.

  34. Delight September 2, 2014 at 12:56 pm #

    I have been in a long distance relationship with this guy for quite sometime now. One time he accidentally forwarded me a conversation between him and some girl, in the conversation he called her his wife and told her that he was coming home to her. When I asked him who the lady was he told me that she was his cousin’s girlfriend, and only recently I got to know that actually she was his girlfriend. When I asked him about it, he said that she was now an ex and that he has me n love me. He has told his mum about me and before I learnt the truth he had introduced me to hisn father and siz as his wife tmo be, actually according to the sister i am the first lady he has introduced physically to his relations please help with urgent advice, should I quit or should I stay,. Am more confused about everything n really don’t know what to do or what to think.

  35. patience September 17, 2014 at 9:27 pm #

    I have a boyfriend who is in a good relationship with the mother of his 3 year old child.she doesn’t live with him she only comes and go. I slept over at his place twice wearing different underwears. I got a text after 4days saying “why did you do it?” I was taken aback by this question. he accused me of leaving “plain grey underwear” at his place. mine is grey and has flowers in the front. the mother of the child says it’s not hers nor is it mine. this means there is girl no. 3 that I don’t know about

  36. Rhonda H September 17, 2014 at 10:47 pm #

    The man I had been seeing for 8 months began to distance himself somewhat at the same time I was finding peculiar stains on his bed sheets.. I didn’t see him any through the week on account of my work schedule.. So.. He probably did have someone on the side.. I also found in his bedroom a huge wad of chewing gum.. He doesn’t chew gum.. I haven’t been back to his house since… I deleted him out of my life..
    He’s called me, though, and asked me to “come visit”. I told him that what I found at his house made me extremely uncomfortable.. The stains- one of these stains was period blood, mind you..the chewing gum..
    He said i assumed a lot.. And that he’d been by himself this whole time..Hmmm.. Since when does a guy have a period?

  37. Layla September 20, 2014 at 5:31 pm #

    He doesn’t answer his texts right away, when he does he has some reason why he couldn’t get back to you. Always texting I love you, I love you, I love you, thank you for loving me, I love you, usually right before or right after he’s cheated. Looses track of time. Says he’s running errands will be back in a couple of hours 6 hours later shows up and is defensive or gets angry when questioned about where hes been what hes doing. They try to confuse you, gaslight you into thinking it’s you, your crazy, insecure, dont let them get in your head. We are very powerful as women and our intuition guides us. TRUST YOUR GUTS. Statistically only 7% of men will ever come clean about cheating. Once trust is broken the innocence is destroyed in the relationship. It’s pretty much a dead end. THOUGH THERE IS THE OCASIONAL EXCEPTION, DON’T FALL INTO THAT TRAP. YOU DESERVE BETTER!!!

    • Sista Resista September 20, 2014 at 6:14 pm #

      Wise words!

      • kaleena September 27, 2014 at 5:13 pm #

        I agree

  38. Violet September 26, 2014 at 10:27 am #

    I feel so heart broken, I am married for 20 years me and hubby used to be so close, talked for hours, we work for ourself and he could not wait to get home. Now last 2 months he works every day, even weekends, at night he only comes in after 6pm. We hardly talk to one another and when we talk it is work related and it ends with him swearing. We do not go out anymore we just stay hime doing nothing, he will sit and watch tv hardly touching me, it feels if I am in a cage, working every day, cooking, taking care of our kids, it feels if no one is appreciating what I am doing. I am longing for him to hold me and just tell me everything will be okay

  39. kaleena September 27, 2014 at 5:05 pm #

    so my guy had been together when we were younger like 15 yrs ago I left him because I felt like he was cheating and come to find out I was right. since then I moved on and started a relationship with sumone else but our relationship went sour after I was being accused so late2011 me an the first guy started bk talking and those feelings from when I was younger bloomed back out my intentions were to hurt him like he hurted me but my feelings go to deep. found out he had been incarcerated since 08 well I looked over it but I started being there emotionally and financially met his children and starting being there for them aswell after our we begin to start a relationship again and he was just released and we had all these plans on doing things he wants to move out of state which is fine and wants me to go aswell, I told him to give me a year now he needs money cause im not going to support him I can say everything he has gotten since released he has broke bread but he just left out of town yesterday and hasn’t called me at all didn’t let me know he made it there safe neither has he called to say hi or anything. I texted that to his phone and his cousin’s phone and never got a response so does this mean im not as important as I thought I was or am I over reacting? does that mean he with another woman/.? when I call it goes straight to voicemail damn am I on call block so when he comes back he can just say he wasn’t getting good reception? what do yall think cuz im bout to break up with dude cuz this aint right like wtf

    • Sista Resista September 27, 2014 at 6:08 pm #

      Trust yourself, and don’t be fooled by excuses. If he cared as much as he said he did he would find a way to get a hold of you and let you know. I wouldn’t hold wait on him, and start focusing on giving yourself the love you have been spending on him and making him a part of your life. You deserve better. Good luck!

  40. Nana October 9, 2014 at 7:23 pm #

    Yeah he is cheating on me via whtsupp tlking 2 me nd tks long time 2 rply

  41. Betty October 24, 2014 at 12:54 am #

    My ex-boyfriend kept canceling plans last minute due to “work.” I did the math, some weeks he claimed to be working 10 days in a row over 8hr shifts at a time. Then one week he worked a day shift, graveyard shift, & another day shift within 48 hours. I later found out he was sleeping w/ his boss and had another girl on the side that was his former roommate. Prior to me finding out, we saw the movie “The Other Woman” and I remember him calling the lead male character a jerk and empathizing w/ the female characters. Ugh.

  42. zoe December 11, 2014 at 12:10 am #

    Please can these be more proofs that a man is cheating…he restricts you to one line of social media say whatsapp only((doznt add you up on instagram on twitter even wen you ask him).Cuz dats exactli how my man is and when I went out of my way to check for him,wot I aw wasn’t impressind at all(hez instagram is on private and his header on twitter is a woman’s butt).We’ve been datin for precisely 5mnths n he doesn’t even want to rili know me cuz I hav a lot to pour out to him;When I asked him why he says he likes surprises and he doesn’t want our relationship to get boring quickly.Although we went out recently and all and then suddenly that same day not less than 3hours he started to strange way of talkin to me or hardly even talks to me

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. How to Tell if Your Man is Cheating on You: Part 1 – LIES « sisters of resistance - April 4, 2011

    […] first in a 3-part series revealing the common habits and behaviours of men who cheat.  Part 2 is BEHAVIOUR PATTERNS & OTHER EVIDENCE which will be followed by the final part, […]

  2. How to Tell If Your Man is Cheating: Part 3 – Psychology « sisters of resistance - August 31, 2011

    […] Part 2: Behavioural Patterns and Other Evidence […]

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